Directed by Erik White
Written by Abdul Williams
Starring Bow Wow, Ice Cube, Brandon T. Jackson, Naturi Naughton, Keith David, Charles Q. Murphy, Loretta Devine, Terry Crews, Bill Bellamy
Release Date - August 20 , 2010
Bow Wow and Ice Cube continue to bring the suck. Watching the trailer for this is like getting kicked in the crotch.
Directed by Harald Zwart
Written by Chris Murphy, Steven Conrad
Starring Jackie Chan, Jaden Smith, Taraji P. Henson
Release Date - June 11 , 2010
I would like to see this remake get “squish just like grape”. The original Karate Kid has some of that 80s cheese but come on…it’s still a great movie. Show that to your kids instead of taking them to this pile of dook. Otherwise, you are part of the problem and the reason they keep remaking these things.
Directed by Tom Dey
Written by Vince Di Meglio, Tim Rasmussen
Starring Owen Wilson, Lee Pace, Judy Greer, William H. Macy, Steve Coogan, Sam Elliott, Fergie, George Lopez, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Emma Stone, Kiefer Sutherland, Marlon Wayan
Release Date - June 4, 2010
From comic book to silver screen comes this heart warming tale of the world’s most lovable Great Dane who…right. Unless, this is a story about Marmaduke getting fixed or going Cujo on a nursery (or both), I’m not interested. It looks terrible. But no matter how shitty the movie is, cute animals sell. Try to resist and just take your kids to the dog park instead.
Directed by Robert Luketic
Written by Bob DeRosa, Ted Griffin
Starring Ashton Kutcher, Katherine Heigl, Tom Selleck, Catherine O’Hara
Release Date - June 4, 2010
Aside from looking derivative, dull, and unfunny, Killers isn’t being screened for critics which is never a good sign. Never. Ashton Kutcher was funny on “That 70s Show”, but I haven’t liked his work since. All of his movies blow, and I find myself getting angry as soon as I see him on any screen now.
Directed by Ridley Scott
Written by Ethan Reiff, Cyrus Voris, Brian Helgeland, Paul Webb, Tom Stoppard
Starring Russell Crowe, Cate Blanchett, William Hurt, Matthew Macfadyen, Mark Strong, Oscar Isaac, Lea Seydoux, Scott Grimes, Kevin Durand, Alan Doyle, Danny Huston, Max von Sydow
Release Date - May 14, 2010
I refuse to see this dumbass movie. Too strong?
The first Robin Hood film was in 1909 by director Percy Stow. Obviously, it was a silent film. Since then, Robin Hood has appeared in or been the center of over 50 films. If you don’t believe me, check out this list from the University of Rochester. Of course, if you’re just talking about major big screen adaptations, the list is around 6 or 7. Regardless, what is the point of another Gladiator…errr Robin Hood film?
Ridley Scott is a terrific director. Russell Crowe is one of the best actors working today. I’ve loved their previous collaborations. But, this film looks dull, derivative, and exceedingly pointless. It is also a shameless ploy to get us to spend huge money at what is surely a giant waste of time. Movies are made on purpose this way. “Ooooo! Ridley Scott!! Russell Crowe!! Fighting! I’m in!!” Duuuuuuueeeeeerrrrrrh. Don’t fall for it.
Directed by Sanaa Hamri
Written by Michael Elliot
Starring Queen Latifah, Common, Paula Patton, Phylicia Rashad, Pam Grier, James Pickens Jr, Mehcad Brooks, Michael Landes, Dwyane Wade, Dwight Howard, Rashard Lewis, Bobby Simmons
Release Date - May 14, 2010
Just Wright is suffering the same fate as Letters to Juliet. If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ve seen the film. Even if you haven’t seen the trailer, you’ve already seen the film in those previous 173 romantic comedies you’ve seen. This movie doesn’t even look funny. You’d be more entertained by having fire a basketball from a cannon at your face. Has Queen Latifah made more than…maybe two good movies?
Directed by Gary Winick
Written by Jose Rivera and Tim Sullivan
Starring Amanda Seyfried, Christopher Egan, Gael Garcia Bernal, Vanessa Redgrave, Franco Nero
Release Date - May 14, 2010
Yet another trailer in which the entire film is shown in 2 1/2 minutes. This is a fate that is visited with much frequency upon romantic comedies. Perhaps, that is because 99% of them have identical plots. If anyone asks me if I’ve seen this film, I will reply “yes” with complete confidence. Pathetic. Gary Winick previously directed Bride Wars. Prepare to vomit.
Directed by Michael Lembeck
Written by Lowell Ganz, Babaloo Mandel, Joshua Sternin, Jeffrey Ventimilia, Randi Mayem Singer
Starring Dwayne Johnson, Ashley Judd, Julie Andrews, Stephen Merchant, Ryan Sheckler
Release Date - January 22, 2010
When passing the poster for this film, a friend asked me “How did that get made?” Well…sadly these movies make serious money. The Game Plan cost 22 million to make and made almost 148 million worldwide. Race to Witch Mountain cost 50 million (WTF?) and made 106 million. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson is actually a charismatic figure on screen but to date, the only thing I’ve liked him in was in 2003’s The Rundown.
Why does “family film” so often mean “let your kids have fun while the parents try to keep from gouging their own eyes out”?
Directed by Brian Levant
Written by Jonathan Bernstein and Jim Greer
Starring Jackie Chan, Madeline Carroll, Alina Foley, George Lopez, Billy Ray Cyrus, Amber Valletta, Katherine Boecher
Release Date - January 15, 2010
Written and directed by Peter and Michael Spierig
Starring Ethan Hawke, Willem Dafoe, Claudia Karvan, Michael Dorman, Vince Colosimo, Isabel Lucas, Sam Neill
Release Date - January 08, 2010
I know what you’re thinking. Paul, you always dog on romantic comedies and give horror films a pass. I do. And I don’t. Case in point - this film. It has an interesting premise - An unknown plague has transformed most humans into vampires. So, vampires are rounding up and farming all humans for blood and researching a blood substitute. Ethan Hawke plays a researcher working on such a solution when he is contacted by a convert group of vampires who have a shocking discovery that could possibly turn things around.
You’d think the vampire mythos had run its course and was running out of true blood. But new takes keep popping up. I just have a really bad feeling about this. These days, it’s really hard to make a good vampire film. The twin Spierig brothers previously made the 2003 Aussie horror film Undead which also had a good premise but just wasn’t executed well. Something tells me Daybreakers won’t be screened for critics.
