We Hate Hollywood

Are you tired of the unoriginality that oozes out of the movies you see these days?  Do you get nauseous when you see the trailer for another brainless action movie or romantic comedy?  Do you get cold sweats when you realize that not many people in Hollywood seem to know how to tell a good story?  Do you get mad when you drop down your hard earned dollars just to have your intelligence insulted?

Then you’ve come to the right place. At We Hate Hollywood, we love good film.  We truly do.  But we are also really pissed off.  Not only are we sick of really bad films, but we are fed up with mediocrity also.  If you walk out of a theater saying “Meh…it was ok”, you need to understand that it really isn’t.  If we’re paying for these movies, then dammit, we want the bar raised.

So, we’ve come to help.  And we’re not going to be nice.  We’re going to be honest about what sucks out there.  We’re going to try and help you avoid the landmines.  We’re going to point out what is pretentious.  But more importantly, we want to help illuminate your path.  In the darkness of trite ideas, inferior plots, and inane characters, we want to shine a light on those films that you should seek out.  How will we do that?

• Blog:  We will post articles detailing certain aspects of Hollywood that piss us off.  Some of these will be the usual things that pisses everyone off but still need to be said.  Some of them will be things that, hopefully, you haven’t considered before.
• Movie Reviews:  We are not professional film critics or professional writers, but we believe we bring some unique insight into film.  We also believe that everyone is a writer if you dig deep enough.  Will we review every new movie?  No.  For one thing, we don’t have the time or money to do this.  Also, we don’t want to see every damn movie that comes out.  Remember, a lot of them suck.  The only way we’ll be seeing every movie is if somone pays us to do it.
• Warning Shots - This will be for the new movies that we are not planning on seeing and are trying to warn you about.  Yes, I know it’s unfair to attack the movie prematurely.  It’s also unfair for Hollywood to expect us to shell out money for this crap,
• Hidden Gems:  There are some truly great films out there that many people haven’t seen.  We want you to see them.  We could pick a film that’s 50 years old, or we may pick one that is just out on DVD.
• Hate Factor - This is our rating system.  As you’ll notice, it is different from most rating systems.  We rate on a scale of 1-4 “bullet holes” instead of stars but the scale is reversed.  The fewer bullet holes a movie has, the better it will be.  A zero will be a Golden Gun (explanation below) and a 4 will be the worst - an atomic bomb.  See our F.A.Q. for more details.
• Golden Gun - Probably not a very common rating, this is our idea of a perfect movie.  Does it mean that the movie is structurally flawless?  Possibly but not always.  We could have some minor gripes about the movie but it impacted us so strongly that we have to give it this highest compliment.

Of course, some of these features may change over time.  Some will be altered, some may go away, and we may add some new ones.  Also bear with us during this startup time.  Every new website will have technical issues.

We are aware that we don’t have a lot of content right now.  That will quickly change.  You are, after all, catching us at the very beginning.

Probably your biggest question is “Will you podcast?”  Eventually, yes.  But for now, we will stick to the website.  When we begin podcasting will depend, largely, on how fast this site takes off.

We hope you understand the spirit in which this venture is done.  We truly hate the way that Hollywood does a lot of things.  But we are not hateful, spiteful people with evil and darkness in our hearts.  We love animals, want world peace, believe in racial harmony, support the troops, and want nothing but the best for Rihanna.  We want you to have fun at this site.

So spread the word and start the hate! 

So, Oscar turned 81 Sunday night.  Yes, I watched the show.  I usually do.  While I enjoy the spectacle of it (come on, there is always a chance that people will get drunk and say outrageous things or that Mickey Rourke will club someone to death in the crowd) and believe there is nothing inherently wrong with honoring those among you in the industry whom you believe have achieved perfection, I realize that it is still a spectacle.  And there are plenty of things about Oscar that we hate.  So let’s just jump into it.

Hypocrisy

When a lot of people think of Hollywood, the first word that comes to mind is “hypocrisy”.  And it is usually in full bloom at the Oscars.

Until very recently, Academy voters - whether out of time constraints or pure laziness (my bet is on the latter) - did not see all of the films they vote on.  It was not unheard of for a studio to only send out clips of their films that are nominated, so the Academy member can watch a few minutes of a movie with the actor/actress they are voting on.  So, in an industry that prides itself on the public watching their films in their entirety, that campaigns against piracy, the actual Academy members weren’t watching the entire films?  But as I said, this is no longer the case.  It is still astonishing that this was common practice for so long.

But perhaps the best example of hypocrisy can be found in the omission of Brad Renfro from the In Memoriam segment last year.  Brad Renfro died on January 15th, 2008.  The “cutoff” to make the In Memoriam is Jan 31 of the same year the Oscars are broadcast.  Renfro made the cut (not the kind of cut you want to make) but was never shown during this moving tribute to those who have fallen.  The Academy’s excuse?  “It is simply not possible to include everyone in that segment.”  Really?  In 3 1/2 damn hours, you can’t possibly squeeze in a pathetic 5 seconds to show Brad Renfro but you do have time to show us a picture of a gaffer no one ever heard of who died at 112 when his heart exploded while sneezing?  I wasn’t a huge Renfro fan, but I believe in being fair.  The Academy won’t admit this but there was a lot of buzz that they chose not to honor Renfro because of the manner of his death…since he died of a heroin and morhpine overdose.  Because we all know that drugs are frowned upon and never tolerated in Hollywood.  So…either way, Oscar, you are an asshole.

Politics

One of the biggest problems with the Academy is the politicization of it.  Why do you think studios “campaign” the Academy “voters”?  Most people know who Harvey Weinstein is…the former head of Miramax with his brother Bob.  They now are co-chairs of The Weinstein Company, and Harvey has a reputation as kind of the Don Corleone of Oscar campaigning.  At Miramax, he and his brother compiled an astonishing 249 Oscar nominations for their projects with 60 wins.  They successfully secured Best Picture trophies for The English Patient (1996), Shakespeare in Love (1998) - famously upsetting Saving Private Ryan, and Chicago (2002).  Most recently, Weinstein wanted The Reader rushed into theaters before the end of last year to make the cut for this year’s Oscars.  Apparently, he put a horse’s head in director Stephen Daldry’s bed because it was released in time and was nominated for several awards including Best Picture.  There are numerous nasty stories of the strong-arm tactics Harvey uses to secure these nominations.  But, one can also argue that he is simply playing the ridiculous game whose rules he did not create.

Another common practice is for a film or actor to receive nominations/wins for reasons extraneous to merit.  The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King won Best Picture in 2003 when many people knew it was more of a consolation prize for the entire trilogy when it could be argued that Mystic River was really the better film that year (Nerds, please don’t flame me.  I agree that the Lord of the Rings trilogy is fantastic).  This is just one of countless examples.  But one thing I want to mention briefly…I’ve heard a lot of cynical people say before the telecast that “Heath Ledger will win the sympathy vote since he died”.  Think about how stupid you sound when you say that (especially if you haven’t seen the movie).  You come across as insensitive and uninformed.  If you saw the film, you will know that Ledger did turn in an astonishing performance.  He turned a famous comic book villain - played with gleeful relish previously by Jack Nicholson - into a disturbing psychopath who exuded pure evil.  And no, the role did not do him psychological damage.  That is a bullshit rumor started by complete morons in the media.  Even if there was some pity in the voting, so what?  The guy died way before his time but turned in a remarkable performance that has raised the bar in the comic book genre.  Let it go.

Pretentious

There is a disturbing, almost masturbatory, nature to the Oscars.  I’m all for saluting and rewarding the high achievers in your ilk but come on.  How many of us watch the ceremonies and shrink in embarrassment when someone gushes about the “sanctity of their craft” or some other phrase dripping with pretension?  Sunday night, Marion Cotillard was paying tribute to Kate Winslet and at the end, she gushed a breathless “thank you” as if Kate had cured cancer.  I think Kate Winslet is an enormous talent, but these kinds of histrionics are really hard to take.  When Daniel Craig was discussing costume (and this isn’t his fault since he is only speaking the lines give to him), he said “Color…do bright ones camouflage a dark soul?”  It was at that time that I threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Format

Okay the show is just too damn long.  Every year, the producers of the telecast say it should be “at or around 3 hours” and it almost always goes 3 and 1/2 hours.  One improvement they’ve made is at cutting short the Original Song performances.  We don’t need to hear the entire song unless Bruce Springsteen is performing “The Wrestler”, but you somehow omitted him and instead chose to cut down the number of nominated songs from 5 to 3 but keep up the idiotic tradition of nominating more than one song per movie.  Seriously, did Travis the Chimp choose the nominations for this category?  But I digress.

I actually had hope during the night when after an hour and a half, we had blown through a very large majority of awards.  But then, the brakes were applied and the fluff exploded through the cracks as segments dragged on too long.  I’m not going to talk about the specific changes that need to be made.  Oscar, just cut it shorter.  Please.  Those speeches…sheesh.  Award winners…we really are happy for you, but you don’t have to name every single bastard that helped you.

Speaking of going too long, I need to wrap this up.  Look, this is the most important thing you need to remember - If your movie didn’t get much love last night, so what?  You don’t need Oscar for your personal validation.  Watch what you want to watch and don’t get caught up in what the Academy prefers.  I was a huge fan of The Wrestler and would have loved to see Rourke get that statuette.  But Sean Penn was very deserving as well (even if political inclinations incluenced his win).  I’ll get The Wrestler on DVD, and I’ll be fine.

If you had told me that one of the best stories of selfless sacrifice and love would come out of Iran, I might have scoffed.  But that is exactly what Majid Majidi has done, garnering 7 international film awards as well as an Oscar nomination in 1999 (when it debuted in this country).

The story is a surprisingly simple one.  Nine-year-old Ali (Amir Farrokh Hashemian) is at the store for his mother.  With him, are some shoes belonging to his 7-year-old sister Zahra (Bahare Seddigi) that he has just picked up from the cobbler for repair.  While inside the store, a blind garbage collector picks up the shoes by mistake.  Ali frantically searches, walks home heavy with guilt, and tearfully explains the situation to Zahra.  They are afraid to tell their very poor parents.  So they concoct a plan:   Zahra will wear the shoes to school in the morning, run home after school, and trade shoes with Ali who races to his afternoon classes.  That’s it.  That’s the story.

Trust me.  Had someone just explained that plot to me, I’d be yawning too.  But there is not one dull moment in the film.  The 89 minutes are so engrossing and poignant.  While the film is a fascinating look at another culture, the plight of the children transcends culture.  We all can relate to harboring a secret from parents.  We all can relate to getting one final chance to arrive to class on time and then running into the principal in the stairwell.  And we all can relate to the panic that ensues when Zahra loses one of the shoes in a gutter and races after it trying to beat the current.

What is really amazing is the simplicity and power of the script.  So much is said with no dialogue as when Zahra spots another student with her shoes, follows her home, and realizes that the situation is not as simple as asking for the shoes back.

The DVD contains no special features, but  is a must-see film that all ages will enjoy (as clichéd as that sounds).  It would also be a great lesson for your kids as well as a solid introduction to foreign, subtitled features.

Directed by Darren Aronofsky
Starring Mickey Rourke, Marisa Tomei, Evan Rachel Wood
Rated R for wrestling violence, profanity, nudity, and sexual scenes

“The only place I get hurt is out there. The world don’t give a shit about me.”

– Randy ‘The Ram’ Robinson

I have few movie going experiences like I did with Darren Aronofsky’s The Wrestler. While I’ve seen many movies that had an impact on me, The Wrestler lingered with me for days. I couldn’t stop thinking about Mickey Rourke’s powerful yet muted performance nor the indelible character he created with the charismatic yet tragic Randy ‘The Ram’ Robinson.

There is a terrific scene in the film in which The Ram, a wrestling megastar from the 80s, now sits 20 years later in an American Legion hall preparing to take Polaroid photos with fans and sign VHS tapes. He sets up his table and then slowly scans the room observing that his broken down comrades are in wheelchairs, walk with canes, and have colostomy bags. He himself sports a hearing aid and scars too numerous to count. But he still wrestles out of financial necessity and, more importantly, a genuine love for the sport.

This is a truly violent film. Much is made about wrestling being a “fake sport”, and it is true that the events are choreographed and the outcomes predetermined. Aronofsky shows this in great detail as The Ram discusses how much of a beating he is going to take from his opponent before finally finishing them off with his signature “Ram Jam” off the top rope. Most films about wrestling focus on this plastic wrapping of the sport - the manufactured drama between its participants and the cheesy displays of machismo. But Aronofsky is more interested in the physical and emotional toll that these gladiators go through. This is especially evident in the scene in which The Ram sits battered, bloodied, and bruised after a match that involved a staple gun, tacks, and a fall from a ladder onto a table wrapped in barbed wire. He hides his face from the others in the locker room as tears of pain stream onto the floor.

The Ram’s pain also comes from his past. He is living a life of bad decisions, continues to struggle with drug use, and has an estranged daughter named Stephanie  (Evan Rachel Wood) in the wake of his selfish indulgences. But, he is at a point in his life where physical limitations and regret are driving him to reconnect with her. And it is in this relationship, that one of the film’s only weaknesses lies. While I believe that the scenes in which her heart begins to melt are genuinely moving on their own, the speed at which she bounces between hating her father to suddenly giving him a second chance seem rushed.

But this is a minor complaint from a truly powerful film exploring the great difficulty at which an entertainer has at extricating themselves from the glow of the arena in which they perform. I’m surprised at some criticisms I’ve heard of Marisa Tomei’s Oscar-nominated performance being “unnecessary” to the film. Tomei’s Cassidy is a woman who, like The Ram, is engaged in a profession where her body is on display. As a stripper at a sleazy club, she struggles with the fact that her age is affecting her value. When she is with The Ram, she is confident, sexy, and funny. But when she is alone on the stage or trying to drum up private dances, the self consciousness is evident in her face. But unlike Randy, Cassidy understands and embraces the difference between the arena of her profession and the real world. She wants a different life for her and her son and plans are in the works to make that happen.

Rourke has created one of the most likable, funniest, and endearing characters in recent memory. Even when he’s sleeping in his van for being behind on his rent payments, he plays enthusiastically with the kids in his trailer park. He truly loves entertaining his fans and is good at it. At one of his matches, he gladly accepts the prosthetic leg of a fan to finish off an opponent. But one of the best scenes in the film is when his love of performing is put to the test when he has to work the deli counter at a supermarket wearing a hairnet. Talk about humility. But instead of wallowing in pity, The Ram embraces the job engaging in humorous banter with his customers, tossing out nicknames to them, and even playfully tossing them the meats that they have ordered. [Incidentally, in an NPR interview, Aronofsky has said that they didn’t have the budget to shut down the supermarket or even the deli counter for the film, so Rourke is working with the actual deli employees in this scene and actual customers. They were aware, obviously, of cameras filming them but did not know what they were for and most of them didn’t even recognize Rourke.]  More importantly, we empathize with The Ram as he searches for love and acceptance from Cassidy and Stephanie.

Aronofsky admits that this film is universal. Substitute wrestling with most other professions, and you will begin to understand what this film is about. He has talked about his conversation with a Dallas preacher in his 50s who is watching his congregation shrink while its members go to churches with younger pastors. This preacher has told his wife that he will continue to preach until there is “only one person left in the stands”. This preacher connected with The Ram and was moved to tears by the film.  I can’t say for sure why the film moved me as much as it did. One thing I do know is I will probably never see another movie where Guns N’ Roses’s “Sweet Child of Mine” will put a lump in my throat. Please give this film 115 minutes of your life and a chance for it to pin you to the mat also.