We Hate Hollywood

Directed by Niels Arden Oplev
Written by Nikolaj Arcel and Rasmus Heisterberg
Based on the novel by Stieg Larsson
Starring Michael Nyqvist, Noomi Rapace, Peter Haber, Sven-Bertil Taube, Peter Andersson, Ingvar Hirdwall, Marika Lagercrantz
Rated R for violence, profanity, nudity, sexual scenes including some depicting rape
Rating - Golden Gun

There is a moment in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo when investigative journalist Mikael Blomkvist (Michael Nyqvist) relays some information he has uncovered to another character.  Anger flashes across the character’s face.  It is subtle but in that instant, I knew who the killer was.  That is terrific acting.  It is also the mark of an intelligent and highly absorbing thriller.

As the film opens, Blomkvist is being sentenced to a 3 month stint in jail for libel of a powerful businessman.  Blomkvist realizes he has been setup, but his verdict is his fate.  He has 6 months to get his affairs in order.  Shortly after the trial, he is asked to visit wealthy industrialist Henrik Vanger (Sven-Bertil Taube).  Henrik lives on the family estate located on a remote Swedish island with only one road connecting it to the mainland.  It is a cold and desolate but beautiful place.  Henrik is still grieving for the disappearance of his niece Harriet who went missing in 1966 at the age of 16.  Henrik is convinced that someone in his corrupt family killed her since he continues to receive pressed flowers on his birthday, a tradition that Harriet started when she lived on the estate.  He likes Blomkvist, has been following his legal woes, and offers him a large sum of money to look into Harriet’s disappearance and find out who’s responsible.

In a seemingly unrelated plotline, we meet 24 year-old punk computer hacker Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace), she with the dragon tattoo.  Lisbeth works for a security company acquiring data for their many clients.  On her current case, she is looking into Blomkvist.  From hacking into his computer, she finds no evidence that he is guilty of libel but she is intrigued by him.  But Lisbeth has serious problems of her own.  She has just been assigned a new financial guardian of her trust fund.  This particular monster wants sexual favors from Lisbeth in exchange for money.  This leads to two very uncomfortable scenes, one of which ends in a brutal rape.  It is a very hard scene to watch, but it’s supposed to be.  Lisbeth responds to the rape in a shocking fashion that establishes her character as a very troubled person with a murky past but someone you certainly don’t want to mess with.

Through a series of events I won’t ruin, she and Blomkvist join forces and do some detective work to figure out what happened to Harriet.  And this is where the movie completely sucks you in.  This is not a frenzied and chaotic murder mystery replete with chases, ridiculous leaps of logic, and last minute surprise characters who show up out of nowhere.  It is a mature, measured, and thoroughly engrossing journey into a family plagued with evil, deceit, and Nazi-sympathizers.  At times, the suspense makes your blood run cold.

The film is based on the first of three books by Stieg Larsson called “the Millenium trilogy”.  Larsson suffered a massive heart attack at the age of 50 in 2004.  When he died, his trilogy hadn’t even been published yet.  After his death, he would go on to become the second best-selling author (in 2008) as a result of this trilogy.  Larsson himself said that he sees the character of Lisbeth as a grown up Pippi Longstocking.  Interesting since Pippi had superhuman strength and would act out against adults who were misusing or abusing their power.  This film, and I assume the novel, draws heavily on themes of power and control (illustrated by the rape among other things).  The tattoo is also an interesting thematic device.  The very large tattoo covers Lisbeth’s entire back.  She is forever marked by a significant event in her life.

The film is tough to watch at times.  Aside from the rape scenes, the revelation of the killer and the killer’s motives are seriously twisted.  I was struck with how much it reminded me of a David Fincher film such as Se7en.  I guess that makes sense since I subsequently discovered that Fincher has signed on to direct the American remake.

But amidst all of this evil and perversion what emerges is a surprisingly tender story of loss and healing (a place that Fincher does not usually go with films of this ilk).  I don’t think redemption is fully realized, but its seeds are undoubtedly planted.  This is a trilogy after all.  The film is not perfect.  It has another one of those scenes where the killer explains his motives to give time for the cavalry to arrive.  Most notably, after 2 1/2 hours (which goes by fast), too many things happen in the closing moments as if the filmmakers realized “Uh oh.  We better wrap this up fast!”.  That said, who knew I had to go to Sweden to see one of the best suspense thrillers in recent memory?

• Tom Cruise working on a Les Grossman movie?  Hollywood will never ever learn the lesson of “less is more”. Les Grossman was a funny character in Tropic Thunder.  But now, he is getting over-exposed.  This is the same phenomenon that plagues SNL movies.  Your characters are funny in short bits…never in an extended format.  Wayne’s World is the obvious exception to the rule.
• A remake of Ghost…in Japan.  Japan, your remakes rarely work here.  Know what happens with the reverse? 同上
• Die Hard 5 update.  Rumored title is Die Hard 24/7.  That’s all sorts of ridiculous.  Few action movies will match the intensity and crazy fun of the first Die Hard.  But this franchise needs to die.  I know this industry is based on money and “sure bets” but what if instead of doing sequels, Bruce Willis made other action movies just to give us something different?  Oh wait…he already gave us Cop Out, Surrogates, 16 Blocks, Lucky Number Slevin, and Hostage.  I stand corrected.
• Battleship moved up a week.  Yes, Peter Berg is directing a movie based on a board game.  Sort of a board game.  See the link for details on a project that sounds so bad, my brain struggles to comprehend it.  So much of it sounds awful but one thing I must point out.  Taylor Kitsch (Riggins on NBC’s “Friday Night Lights”) plays a commanding officer of a destroyer.  Kitsch is 29.  That is another trend in Hollywood that is outrageously stupid.  Casting fresh, hip, young faces in roles where the disparity between movie age and reality is so far apart.
• Is the Red Dawn remake going to die?  I want to end on this note simply because it’s an interesting look at a major Hollywood studio that is having serious financial problems.  MGM is in such dire straights financially that it is now run by its creditors instead of execs.  I don’t know what led to their woes, but they have been counting on a Poltergeist reboot and remakes of Robocop and Red Dawn to pull them into the black.  In addition to Red Dawn, the next James Bond film and The Hobbit are on ice.  MGM has been around since 1924.  The studio’s official motto is “Ars Gratia Artis”, a Latin phrase which means “Art for art’s sake”.  Now, MGM has made some landmark films over the years, but it’s interesting to me that they are floundering financially yet counting on mostly remakes to pull them out of the drek.  I know their issues are far more complicated but this is why people such as myself are strongly drawn towards independent film. Independent films, in general, get that idea about art better than the studios now.

Directed by Harald Zwart
Written by Chris Murphy, Steven Conrad
Starring Jackie Chan, Jaden Smith, Taraji P. Henson
Release Date - June 11 , 2010

I would like to see this remake get “squish just like grape”.  The original Karate Kid has some of that 80s cheese but come on…it’s still a great movie.  Show that to your kids instead of taking them to this pile of dook.  Otherwise, you are part of the problem and the reason they keep remaking these things.

Directed by Rachid Bouchareb
Written by Rachid Bouchareb and Olivier Lorelle
Starring Jamel Debbouze, Samy Naceri, Roschdy Zem, Sami Bouajila, Bernard Blancan
Rated R

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed…Under the clouds of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron. - Dwight Eisenhower 1953

I love films that shine a spotlight on a part of history that is not in the mainstream.  This film by French Algerian Rachid Bouchareb focuses on the African troops (Algerians, Tunisians and Moroccans) that were recruited to help liberate France during World War II.

Specifically, it focuses on four men.  Yassir (Samy Naceri) is seeking money (be it from his wages or loot found during the war) so that he can return home and help his brother get married.  Messaoud’s (Roschdy Zem) goal is to get married and live in France.  Corporal Abdelkader ( Sami Bouajila) is the real conscience of the film.  As one of the few men who can read, he is fighting for the equality of the colonized Algerians who, even in battle, face discrimination from the very country they are fighting for.  Finally, there is Said (Jamel Debbouze), a poor and illiterate Morroccan who becomes a personal servant to Sgt. Martinez (Bernard Blancan).

The war scenes in the film are masterfully filmed.  Bouchareb seems more interested in the scope of the battles.  In several scenes, he pulls back so we can see just how many men there are crawling like insects over the terrain.  You don’t see carnage in the way you would in something like Saving Private Ryan or The Brotherhood of War, but the action is still intense and very real.  I like the way that you feel the impact of war more than seeing it such as when a grenade or mortar explodes and the earth rains down on the men near it.

Like many war films, Days of Glory is a gripping and compelling story that winds its way to a final showdown.  The four protagonists arrive at a small French town to await the arrival of Allied forces so they can join them.  A German patrol gets there first.  Unlike many war films, this final battle is a very personal one.  There are only four men.  Four men we’ve come to know and love.  We understand the challenges they face as Muslims fighting in a strange land.  We understand their hopes and dreams.  We understand the glory they desire.

We learn at the end of the film that the servicemen from France’s former colonies had their pensions  frozen in 1959 shortly before their countries’ independence.  After Days of Glory was released in 2006, President Jacques Chirac ordered that pensions be fully restored.  Sadly, the epiloque tells us, “Successive governments have delayed payments of these pensions”.  A theft…

• James Cameron was consulted on the oil spill in the Gulf.  The plan now is to shoot DVDs of Avatar into the ocean since that film was so good at sucking.
• Tom Selleck discusses the possibility of a 3 Men and a Baby sequel.  Let’s just hope Steve Guttenberg is available.
• Brett Ratner is producing his own edgy version of Snow White (Walt Disney is also working on its own revisionist retelling).  Of course…another beloved story for Ratner to ruin.
• A Rush Limbaugh movie?  Ugh.  Writer/producer James Sciafani describes it as “Citizen Kane meets Private Parts”.  That will be the only time in the history of film that that phrase is used.
• Midnight Run 2 is in the works?  I’m usually against sequels but you know what?  I would love to see Jonathan Mardukas and Jack Walsh annoy each other again.
• Christopher Nolan definitively answers the question of the Joker’s appearance in Batman 3.  As great as Ledger was in this role, I think another actor could have stepped up.  Regardless, this is a good call.

Directed by Vincenzo Natali
Written by Vincenzo Natali, Antoinette Terry Bryant, Doug Taylor
Starring Adrien Brody, Sarah Polley, Delphine Chaneac, David Hewlett
Rated R for violence, profanity, nudity, sexual scenes
Rating - 3 bullet holes

Clive (Adrien Brody) and Elsa (Sarah Polley) are scientists working on a hybrid animal gene with the goal of creating a protein that could have significant medical benefits.  At least that’s the goal of their corporate bosses.  Clive and Elsa want to push even further and do more extensive testing with human DNA.  They reach a point of success but Elsa isn’t satisifed.  Clive bitches and moans and halfheartedly goes along with her since, of course, they are romantically involved.  By the time he decides to finally man up and put his foot down, they have created a human animal hybrid creature that they call Dren for a stupid reason I won’t go into but that you can probably figure out.

Dren begins to grow rapidly from an infant to young girl to young woman.  She has surprising cognitive skills but can’t speak.  She communicates via Scrabble letters and weird squirrel-like chirps.  She moves like a lizard with swift twitches of the head and the ability to scramble up walls and across ceilings.  This…squizzard also has a tail with a retractable barb ideal for killing prey.  A real problem child.

Vincenzo Natali is most known for 1997’s sci-fi horror film Cube, a pretty effective film about seven strangers who wake up in a giant cube with multiple rooms and have to navigate a maze of death traps.  It seemed apparent from that film that Natali had a command for the camera and could effectively create scenes of dread.  But Splice is a huge misfire.  There are virtually no scary moments.  Sure there are moments that are intended to evoke terror, but for me they never did.

The film starts out with promise as it, once again, raises the Frankensteinian themes of tampering with nature, illusions of creation, and the depths of depravity that can be reached when those illusions unravel.  But, they are handled so sloppily as the film progresses that I couldn’t buy into the story.  There are subpar special effects for Dren that make her appear comical, there is bad dialogue, and there are so many scenes of what I consider to be the cardinal sin in storytelling - having characters perform unrealistic and ridiculous actions for no reason but to move the plot in a particular direction.  For example, when Clive and Elsa have to move Dren to a more secretive location, they put her in a large cardboard box and cart her through the laboratory while constantly shushing her as she makes her squizzard chirps.  Why the hell don’t you just sedate her?

As the film progresses, it gets more and more ludicrous and thoroughly unpleasant.  Clive and Elsa continue to say and do inane things.  Their world is clearly unraveling, and they continue to make stupid decisions.  Earlier in the film, Dren witnesses her creators having sex.  Towards the end, her curiosity about sex leads to a scene that I found disturbing while the other moviegoers around me laughed.

As I left the theater, I realized something.  Since Frankenstein, just about every movie that revolves around gene tampering follows the same playbook and always has the same outcome.  I had hoped for something different from Splice, but the muses of ingenuity had undoubtedly never visited this project.

Sometimes interesting.  Often infuriating.  Never compelling.

Directed by Tom Dey
Written by Vince Di Meglio, Tim Rasmussen
Starring Owen Wilson, Lee Pace, Judy Greer, William H. Macy, Steve Coogan, Sam Elliott, Fergie, George Lopez, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Emma Stone, Kiefer Sutherland, Marlon Wayan
Release Date - June 4, 2010

From comic book to silver screen comes this heart warming tale of the world’s most lovable Great Dane who…right.  Unless, this is a story about Marmaduke getting fixed or going Cujo on a nursery (or both), I’m not interested.  It looks terrible.  But no matter how shitty the movie is, cute animals sell.  Try to resist and just take your kids to the dog park instead.

Directed by Robert Luketic
Written by Bob DeRosa, Ted Griffin
Starring Ashton Kutcher, Katherine Heigl, Tom Selleck, Catherine O’Hara
Release Date - June 4, 2010

Aside from looking derivative, dull, and unfunny, Killers isn’t being screened for critics which is never a good sign.  Never.  Ashton Kutcher was funny on “That 70s Show”, but I haven’t liked his work since.  All of his movies blow, and I find myself getting angry as soon as I see him on any screen now.